Sunday, September 11, 2016

Wedding Prep - First official Meet the parents session


Hello readers! This post was kinda backdated as i am writing it now only after my entire wedding has ended now. We had our first meet up parents session for both of our parents in Sep. When we first started dating together only, i think the dad was very excited and had been asking Jeremy to fix a date to meetup with my parents. But we only managed to fix a date to get both of our parents to meet up when the wedding is already under preparation. Like 6months before our wedding. The main objective for the meet up was to discuss any special requests that the bride's family may have and some traditional customs to follow. As my family is of hokkien dialect and his is teochew, even though some customs might be the same, but there were some huge differences nearing the wedding which i would explain in my other post next time.

Throughout the whole entire wedding preparation, i have come to acknowledge that communication is very important and communication is not just all talk, you need to listen, listen without any judging before you respond is a very tough skill to acquire. Miscommunication can make thing goes wrong.
To start off my mum is a very traditional women so initially when Jeremy informed me to ask them out to restaurant to meet their parents, she was asking me whether we should get our elder aunt to attend the meeting to discuss with them, which i don't find it necessary. Just because the past tradition used to work this way doesn't mean it should adhere to the current era.

Honestly speaking, i think the old tradition is damm bullshit. I mean, you should have the final say in making the decisions, i am not even my big aunt daughter. So it doesn't make sense, i am also worried if my mum get my big aunt to be the representative, i don't know what new requests they might have. Not refering to my aunt, but i have heard that some elders do have outrageous requests for eg, expecting the betrothal fee to be 4-5 digits. (Selling the daughter meh) There is also another 离奶礼金 aka nanny fee(not sure if this is the correct term to translate) but basically is to thank the bride parents for raising the daughter up. My mum is very particular about this but she doesn't say. Grr.

There could be issue such as the bride's family demanding to have 10-20 tables for the wedding banquet because usually the bride family get to keep the angbao money collected from the table money.

Thus i told my mum it's better for them to meet up directly without involving others, to sort out any requests they have, because what you want, if you don't say, no one bloody know!
But knowing her. I know it's was not going to be a productive meeting session.

Both our mum are very shy, Jeremy mum first talk to my mum in teochew and my mum couldn't understand a single word of it and my mum didn't try to clarify that she don't understand! I was kinda puzzled and fortunately Jeremy sister ask to speak in chinese instead. I couldn't ask them to speak out because i am not sure what is the traditional customs like. (This has proven to be a very big issue at the later part nearing the wedding, thus i repeat,  do not ever overlook meeting sessions with both side parents). All kind of patterns will surfaced as the wedding date gets nearer.

Even though both of our parents do not interfere with our wedding preparation and i had full autonomy to plan the entire wedding, no restriction to budget cost. That also means 90% of the whole entire wedding preparation is done solely by ME.

Some of the food photos that i managed to take during the dinner~
 Shark fin soup!
 I call it the fat fish because of the fish shape, had no idea what is the right term.
 Fried chicken with crackers.
 Abalone with spinach.
 Salted egg yolk prawn.
There were mian xian & dessert yam paste but we were too full and requested for takeaway instead.
Actually i think this is a good start for a official meet up, but not exactly conducive environment to discuss the wedding request for both family.
So i would recommend for any bride-to-be, if you are coordinating a meet up, either you do it at home or you find a private dining room with low noise levels so that both family can talk openly. 
Till then!

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